Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Pardo Partakes of Pork, Plantains, & Pumpkin Pie

Manuel Pardo, a former policeman turned cold-blooded killer, was executed by the state of Florida tonight. Pardo was convicted of shooting nine people to death during a three-month rampage in 1986. All of the victims were thought to have ties to the drug business. Pardo claimed that he was doing the world a favor by murdering those he called “parasites,” but he also stole and used credit cards from his victims—a big no-no among self-righteous vigilantes.

During his trial, Pardo admitted that he enjoyed killing people and said he wished he had killed more. After his conviction, however, Pardo softened his persona and became known as a “Death Row Romeo” who became pen pals with dozens of women and persuaded many of them to send him money.

It’s easy to see how this deadly dreamboat gathered such a large flock of admirers. Ladies, try not to swoon as you gaze at his photograph. And to answer the question that’s racing through everyone’s mind right now—no, Brad Pitt did not have a long-lost twin brother.

For his last meal, Pardo ate roast pork, red beans, rice, plantains, avocados, and tomatoes drizzled with olive oil. He had pumpkin pie for dessert, and washed everything down with eggnog and Cuban coffee.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Stokley Has Steak, Then Gets Stuck

Richard Stokley, who earns the dubious honor of being labeled one of the "worst of the worst" for his part in the brutal deaths of two teenage girls in 1991, was executed this morning by the state of Arizona. Stokley requested the following last meal prior to his lethal injection: porterhouse steak, medium rare, with french fries; a salad of lettuce, cabbage, and cherry tomatoes; cauliflower; a wedge of cheddar cheese; a dinner roll or flaky biscuit; a large cream soda with ice; a red delicious apple, a peach, and a banana; and chocolate or Neapolitan ice cream.

Stokley had no last words. He had previously said, "I reckon I know how to die, and if it's my time, I'll go without fanfare."

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

George Ochoa Says, "I'll Have What He's Having."

I suppose death row inmates must find themselves strapped for good topics of conversation. Opening lines like "Seen any good movies lately?" or "So, you dating anybody?" just fall flat during prison chat sessions. But the folks on Oklahoma's death row must have been discussing last meals lately, because George Ochoa, who was executed tonight for his role in a double murder in 1993, ordered nearly the exact same last meal as his former cell block buddy Garry Thomas Allen, who was executed less than a month ago. Allen ordered a large meat lover's pizza and a Pepsi. Ochao ordered a large meat lover's pizza and a Coke.

Death row inmates in Oklahoma can only order food from local restaurants, with a spending limit of $15.

Oh, and the hosts of the fabled "Pepsi Challenge" taste test are keeping a careful tally of the results.