Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Fiendish Franklin Forgoes Final Feast

Serial killer, white supremacist, and man of many hairdos Joseph Paul Franklin was executed today by the state of Missouri after the US Supreme Court denied a last-minute stay. Franklin is believed to have killed between 18-22 people, mostly in sniper-style attacks which were racially motivated. He also shot and injured Hustler Magazine publisher Larry Flynt, although he was never convicted of the crime despite his confession.

Franklin gave no last statement and requested no last meal, which is a shame; former Missouri death row inmates have dined on steak, seafood, and other succulent fare. Perhaps if Franklin had read a copy of Last Suppers during his incarceration, he would have changed his mind.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Supreme Court Leaves Jamie McCoskey in the Lurch

Apparently, everything really IS bigger in Texas--including their deranged killers! Tonight the state executed Jamie McCoskey, whose case the US Supreme Court refused to review earlier this year. The 6-foot 7-inch McCoskey, known as "Lurch" to his pals, was convicted of raping a pregnant woman then killing her fiancee. One of McCoskey's lawyers claimed the man was "clearly ill, not normal," but that's the understatement of the year. In addition to his capital crime, McCoskey also served time for kidnapping, assault, and drug possession. He once cracked another inmate's skull with a chisel, and another time threw a heavy chair at a group of prosecutors during a court session.

Since Texas no longer allows special last meals, Jamie McCoskey was served the same food as others in his unit. He dined on chicken patties, mashed potatoes with gravy, carrots, sliced bread, and had a choice of tea, lemonade, or water to drink.

Dinner of Darius Would Destroy Digestive System

The time convicted killer and rapist Darius Kimbrough served in prison was never easy. First he had to wait 19 years on Florida's death row until his execution date rolled around. On top of that, judging from this photo, he was forced to serve his time while wearing the most unfortunate pair of glasses ever designed. And on his very last day, we're guessing Kimbrough suffered from a heavy dose of self-inflicted indigestion prior to his lethal injection.

For his last meal, Kimbrough ordered two slices of pizza, fried green tomatoes, fried chicken, chicken gizzards, chocolate chip ice cream, and fruit punch. Most of the menu items sound pretty tasty (perhaps minus the gizzards), but when you mix them all together, serve them at 9:45 in the morning, then top them off with a splash of pre-execution anxiety, that's a recipe for indigestion just waiting to happen.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Robert Jones Not Jonesing for Anything Special

Some people don't get excited on their birthdays. Others don't make a big deal about Christmas. But most of us would make a pretty big deal about our final day on Earth.

That wasn't the case for Robert Glen Jones Jr, who was executed today by the state of Arizona. Despite the freedom to order just about anything he wanted, Jones turned down the offer of a special last meal. "It's just another meal, and there's nothing special about the day to me," he said.

The final meal that Jones ate--making it his technical "last meal"--was Tuesday night's standard dinner of beef patties, mashed potatoes with gravy, carrots, two slices of wheat bread, a slice of glazed cake, and a powdered juice drink.

Jones was convicted of killing a total of seven people, including four at a social club robbery, two in a smoke shop, and one in a home invasion. Jones used some of his stolen loot to buy pizza and cowboy boots, but a clerk became suspicious when Jones and an accomplice tried to restock their supply of ammunition at a gun store. A high-speed chase soon ensued and Jones was apprehended and convicted of all seven murders.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

No Death by Chocolate for William Happ

Forrest Gump said "Life is like a box of chocolates," but sometimes death is like a box of chocolates, too. At least that was the case for William Happ, executed today by the state of Florida for a rape and murder committed in 1986. 

For his last meal, Happ asked for a 12-ounce box of assorted chocolates and one and a half quarts of German chocolate ice cream. If his intention was to induce the often joked about "Death by Chocolate," Happ's plan was unsuccessful. Instead, he was later executed by lethal injection using a new cocktail of drugs which made their debut for the first time today.