No Soup for You, Michael Anthony Taylor

Movie fans around the world were stunned this morning to learn that the state of Missouri has executed one of the stars of such classic teen films as Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club.

Uh, wait. Scratch that. We’re being told that man’s name is Anthony Michael Hall.

Take two.

Music fans around the world were stunned this morning to learn that the state of Missouri has executed the former bass player for the rock group Van Halen.

Uh, wait. Scratch that. We’re being told that man’s name is Michael Anthony.

Take three.

Fans of justice were pleased to learn that the state of Missouri has executed Michael Anthony Taylor for his part in the brutal kidnap, rape, and murder of a teenage girl in 1989. Taylor had no last words, and also didn’t request a special last meal. He was served potato soup and a sandwich.