Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Fiendish Franklin Forgoes Final Feast

Serial killer, white supremacist, and man of many hairdos Joseph Paul Franklin was executed today by the state of Missouri after the US Supreme Court denied a last-minute stay. Franklin is believed to have killed between 18-22 people, mostly in sniper-style attacks which were racially motivated. He also shot and injured Hustler Magazine publisher Larry Flynt, although he was never convicted of the crime despite his confession.

Franklin gave no last statement and requested no last meal, which is a shame; former Missouri death row inmates have dined on steak, seafood, and other succulent fare. Perhaps if Franklin had read a copy of Last Suppers during his incarceration, he would have changed his mind.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Supreme Court Leaves Jamie McCoskey in the Lurch

Apparently, everything really IS bigger in Texas--including their deranged killers! Tonight the state executed Jamie McCoskey, whose case the US Supreme Court refused to review earlier this year. The 6-foot 7-inch McCoskey, known as "Lurch" to his pals, was convicted of raping a pregnant woman then killing her fiancee. One of McCoskey's lawyers claimed the man was "clearly ill, not normal," but that's the understatement of the year. In addition to his capital crime, McCoskey also served time for kidnapping, assault, and drug possession. He once cracked another inmate's skull with a chisel, and another time threw a heavy chair at a group of prosecutors during a court session.

Since Texas no longer allows special last meals, Jamie McCoskey was served the same food as others in his unit. He dined on chicken patties, mashed potatoes with gravy, carrots, sliced bread, and had a choice of tea, lemonade, or water to drink.

Dinner of Darius Would Destroy Digestive System

The time convicted killer and rapist Darius Kimbrough served in prison was never easy. First he had to wait 19 years on Florida's death row until his execution date rolled around. On top of that, judging from this photo, he was forced to serve his time while wearing the most unfortunate pair of glasses ever designed. And on his very last day, we're guessing Kimbrough suffered from a heavy dose of self-inflicted indigestion prior to his lethal injection.

For his last meal, Kimbrough ordered two slices of pizza, fried green tomatoes, fried chicken, chicken gizzards, chocolate chip ice cream, and fruit punch. Most of the menu items sound pretty tasty (perhaps minus the gizzards), but when you mix them all together, serve them at 9:45 in the morning, then top them off with a splash of pre-execution anxiety, that's a recipe for indigestion just waiting to happen.