Thursday, April 26, 2012

In Texas, Both Prisoners & Poultry Are Condemned

Forget about the Texas Chainsaw Massacre; judging by the last meals of recent death row inmates, there's actually a Texas Chicken Massacre going on!

As our loyal readers know, Texas stopped allowing special last meals in 2011. Prisoners are now served the "daily special," meaning they get the same meal as every other inmate. But in 2012, every death row inmate in Texas was served some form of chicken prior to their execution.

The poultry came in all varieties. There was barbecued chicken. Chicken spaghetti. Chicken-fried steak (which is technically neither chicken nor steak but rather a deep-fried slice of lard, but it does have chicken in its name). Tonight, the tradition continued when Beunka Adams was served a last meal of chicken patties prior to his lethal injection. Adams was convicted for his part in a rape, robbery, and murder that left one person dead and two injured.

In his final statement, Adams showed remorse for his night of crime. He ended his speech by saying, "For everybody involved, I don't think any good came out of it."

And that includes one more Texas chicken.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Thomas Kemp Has Berries Before He's Buried

Convicted killer, rapist, and all-around scumbag Thomas Kemp was executed in Arizona this morning by lethal injection. The man who once said "I spit on the law and all those who serve it" remained defiant to the end. His last words were, "I regret nothing."

Kemp, who earned his death sentence for kidnapping and killing a Hispanic college student, said this at his sentencing: "The so-called victim was not an American citizen and, therefore, was beneath my contempt. If more of them ended up dead, the rest of them would soon learn to stay in Mexico where they belong."

For his last meal, Thomas Kemp ordered a cheeseburger, french fries, boysenberry pie, strawberry ice cream, and root beer.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Daily Special for Shannon Johnson

Convicted killer Shannon Johnson was executed in Delaware today in the wee hours of the morning.

The execution was surrounded by confusion and controversy. Part of that was because Johnson accepted his sentence and never wanted to file an appeal, which caused lawmakers to label him crazy. The fact that Delaware performs executions about as often as Kim Kardashian shops at Wal-Mart probably didn't help, either. There were stays, attempted stays, delays, and all other types of courtroom chaos before the execution finally went through at the odd hour of 2:55am.

Johnson was convicted of shooting and killing a man whom he thought was having an affair with his ex-girlfriend. He then tried to kill the ex-girlfriend herself several days later, but his gun jammed during the attempt. In-between the two crimes, Johnson evaded police by disguising himself as a Muslim woman and wearing a full-length burka whenever he went out in public.

Perhaps due to the confusion surrounding the execution, Shannon Johnson didn't order a customized last meal. Instead, he ate the prison's "daily special" of chicken lo mein, carrots, wheat bread, cake, and iced tea.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Wacky Last Meal for Mark Wiles

Mark Wiles, a former farmhand convicted of killing the teenage son of his former employers, was executed by lethal injection in Ohio today.

For his last meal, Wiles ordered a weird hodge-podge of mostly junk food including a pepperoni pizza with extra cheese, a bottle of hot sauce, a bag of Cheetos, vanilla wafers, a whole cheesecake, fresh strawberries, a garden salad with ranch dressing, and Sprite. According to eyewitness reports, Wiles didn't eat the Cheetos or the salad but finished off the rest of his food. His intended use of the hot sauce remains a mystery.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

David Gore Gorges on Fried Chicken

Try to cut in front of somebody in line at Disney World, Universal Studios, or Sea World and you’ll probably get thrown out of the park—but there is one place in Florida where nobody minds if you muscle your way in front of everybody else: death row!

That’s exactly what rapist and serial killer David Alan Gore did by bragging non-stop about his heinous crimes. Local lawmakers got so tired of Gore’s gory details that they bumped him ahead of 40 other inmates waiting to be executed.

Despite his fast-track to the lethal injection table, the sadistic killer still spent 28 years on death row—but he apparently spent none of that time coming up with a creative last meal menu. Instead, David Gore chose a mundane supper of fried chicken, French fries, butter pecan ice cream, and a soft drink.