Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Habitual Drug User Gets Baked...Chicken


Convicted double murderer Christopher Chubasco Wilkins was executed by the state of Texas tonight, marking the first execution of the new year. Wilkins earned his death sentence for shooting and killing two men in 2005 after one of the men sold Wilkins a bag of gravel, claiming it was crack cocaine, and then made fun of him for being so gullible.

“I've been in the game long enough,” Wilkins said about the prank. “We rob each other all the time. That's what we do. But he didn't have to sit there and laugh at me.”

Wilkins also admitted to killing a third man two days earlier during an argument over a payphone, and he once tried to run two people over with a stolen car because he thought one of them had stolen his sunglasses.

“I make bad decisions,” Wilkins explained. “I know they're bad decisions when I'm making them. I make them anyway.”

Perhaps the killer’s unusual middle name has something to do with his violent, unpredictable temper. Contrary to popular belief, Chubasco is not a hot-sauce-loving Wookie from the new Star Wars film. It’s actually the term for a fierce storm filled with thunder and lightning which springs up without warning along the coast of Mexico and Central America during the rainy season.

Prior to his execution, the savage killer enjoyed a last meal that was quite sedate. Because Texas doesn’t allow special last meal requests, Wilkins ate the same meal served to others in his prison unit: baked chicken, macaroni and cheese, green beans, carrots, ranch-style beans, and sliced bread, with pear crisp for dessert. He was given the usual choice of tea, punch, or water to drink.

Friday, December 9, 2016

Eagle Eats Chicken

Despite two last-minute stays issued by the US Supreme Court, Ronald Smith was executed late last night by the state of Alabama for a murder he committed in 1994. During a convenience store robbery, Smith pistol-whipped a store clerk then shot him through the head when the man wouldn’t open the cash register.

Smith, a former Eagle Scout, dined on a three-piece fried chicken meal with French fries prior to his lethal injection.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Oops, I Did It Again

Thanks to a sharp-eyed fan of the blog, I've just realized that I neglected to mark the execution of Steven Spears (no relation to Britney) last month. My apologies, dear readers!

On November 16, convicted killer Steven Spears was executed by the state of Georgia. Spears earned his death sentence for killing an ex-girlfriend because he believed she was seeing another man. Spears came up with four different plans for killing his former love interest, including electrocution, bludgeoning, shooting, and strangling, with strangling chosen as the method of choice. (It's ironic that a man named Spears never considered stabbing his victim with a sharp, pointed weapon) Spears hid in a closet at his victim's house for several hours, then crept out once his former girlfriend was asleep. He choked the woman into unconsciousness then put a plastic bag over her head and wrapped it with duct tape.

Spears never fought his death sentence in court and never showed remorse for his crime. "If I had to do it again, I'd do it," he remarked.

For his last meal, Spears ordered only a large meat pizza.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Lay Down Sallie

William Sallie was executed by the state of Georgia tonight for the murder of his father-in-law in 1990. Sallie barged into the rural home where his estranged wife and child were staying, shot his wife's parents, and abducted his wife and her sister. Sallie's mother-in-law survived the attack, but her husband was pronounced dead at the scene.

For his last meal, William Sallie requested a pizza with sausage and pepperoni, buffalo chicken wings, and a large soda.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Law Triumphs Over Lawler

Convicted killer Gregory Paul Lawler was executed by the state of Georgia tonight for the murder of an Atlanta police officer in 1997. According to witnesses, Lawler shot two police officers without provocation as they were escorting Lawler’s drunken girlfriend home after Lawler and the girl had a dispute. Lawler used an AR-15 loaded with body armor-piercing bullets during the crime that left one office dead and another critically injured.

For his last meal, Lawler ordered a rib eye steak, a baked potato with sour cream, asparagus, dinner rolls with butter, French onion soup, strawberries, pistachio ice cream, and apple juice.