Friday, March 16, 2018

Stocking Strangler Hoses the Media

Before Carlton Gary, AKA the Stocking Strangler, was executed by the state of Georgia late last night, he was asked if he wanted to make a final statement. Gary said no.

Gary also said no to the offer of a final prayer. And he declined to eat any of his last meal. Oh, and he also declined to order a special last meal in the first place, so he was served the same "institutional tray" as others in his unit: a hamburger, a hot dog, white beans, coleslaw, and a grape beverage.

For the man who was convicted of raping and strangling three elderly women with their own stockings, his last night was a parade of no's, because he also held steadfastly to his claim of innocence.

No confession. No remorse. No last meal. No last words. No kidding. 

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Eggers is Toast

We have to admit it; when someone with a name like Michael Eggers is executed, we secretly pray that he'll order breakfast for his last meal. Maybe a nice omelette, or a plate of scrambled or poached or fried...well, you get it. Unfortunately, however, Eggers's last meal wasn't all it was cracked up to be. The convicted killer who earned his death sentence in Alabama for killing a 67-year-old former employer ordered no last meal at all, breakfast-themed or not. Instead, he just had what everyone else on his cell block was having for dinner tonight.

For his last meal, Eggers had chicken creole, dirty rice, turnip greens, cornbread, cream corn, cake, and a grape drink. And while this Cajun feast does sound pretty tasty, it leaves few opportunities for puns.

Eggers also declined to say any last words before his execution. When the female warden asked if he wished to make a final statement, Eggers simply said, "No, ma'am." 

Or is it possible that he really said, "No ham?"

One can only hope.   

Thursday, February 22, 2018

Meats and Sweets for Eric Branch

Convicted killer Eric Branch was executed by the state of Florida tonight. Branch earned his death sentence for the 1993 rape and murder of a college student whose car he wanted to steal.

For his last meal, Branch doubled up on meats and sweets by ordering a pork chop, a T-bone steak, French fries, two pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, and ginger ale.


Friday, February 2, 2018

Battaglia: Beastly or Just Plain Batty?

John Battaglia was executed by the state of Texas tonight for killing his two young daughters in 2001.

Battaglia, who was divorced from his wife and had been granted weekly visits with his girls, was watching his 6-and-9-year-old daughters while his estranged wife was in her own home. Battaglia, who had argued and fought repeatedly with his ex-wife, called the woman on speaker phone then shot and killed the two girls while their mother listened. Battaglia then announced, “Merry fucking Christmas,” despite the fact that the date was May 2. Afterward, Battaglia drove to a tattoo parlor and got two rose tattoos on his left arm, one for each of his daughters.

Battaglia was found guilty and sentenced to death, but his lawyers claim the man committed his crime because he’s mentally impaired. According to court records, Battaglia suffers from delusions that cause him to think he is “being conspired against, cheated, spied on, followed, poisoned or drugged, maliciously maligned, harassed, or obstructed in the pursuit of long-term goals.”

Or maybe he’s just a cold-blooded psycho.

Because Texas no longer allows special last meal requests, Battaglia was served the same food as others in his unit. For his last meal, Battaglia had a chicken patty, mashed potatoes with country gravy, green beans, corn, cornbread, and a choice of tea, punch, or water to drink. 

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Pasta La Vista to William Rayford

William Rayford was executed by the state of Texas tonight for murdering his ex-girlfriend in 1999. At the time of the killing, Rayford was on parole after killing his wife in 1986. The bottom line? Don’t date William Rayford.

Since Texas no longer allows special meal requests, Rayford was served the same food as others in his unit. For his last meal, William Rayford had spaghetti with beef sauce, green beans, black beans, corn, and garlic bread, with a choice of water, tea, or punch to drink.

Considering his last meal, maybe it’s not appropriate to say that William Rayford died tonight; instead, he just pasta way.

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Nobody's Choked Up Over Tourniquet Killer's Death

Anthony Shore, the serial killer known as the “Tourniquet Killer” because of the way he strangled his victims, was executed by the state of Texas tonight. Shore confessed to murdering five females between the ages of 9 and 21, all of whom were sexually assaulted and tortured before they were killed.

Shore has been on death row since 2004 and has sought to avoid the death penalty in various ways, including one defense that claimed Shore injured his head during a 1981 car crash and his personality was affected as a result—but even the killer’s family didn’t buy that one. “I think it’s a load of crap,” Shore’s youngest daughter stated, and Shore’s sister seemed to be looking forward to her brother’s execution because “then when people ask about him, we can just say he’s dead.”

Because Texas no longer allows special last meal requests, Shore was given the same food as others in his prison unit. For his last meal, Anthony Shore had a chicken patty, mashed potatoes, black-eyed peas, macaroni and cheese, carrots, and cornbread, with a  choice of water, tea, or punch to drink.