Thursday, January 18, 2018

Nobody's Choked Up Over Tourniquet Killer's Death

Anthony Shore, the serial killer known as the “Tourniquet Killer” because of the way he strangled his victims, was executed by the state of Texas tonight. Shore confessed to murdering five females between the ages of 9 and 21, all of whom were sexually assaulted and tortured before they were killed.

Shore has been on death row since 2004 and has sought to avoid the death penalty in various ways, including one defense that claimed Shore injured his head during a 1981 car crash and his personality was affected as a result—but even the killer’s family didn’t buy that one. “I think it’s a load of crap,” Shore’s youngest daughter stated, and Shore’s sister seemed to be looking forward to her brother’s execution because “then when people ask about him, we can just say he’s dead.”

Because Texas no longer allows special last meal requests, Shore was given the same food as others in his prison unit. For his last meal, Anthony Shore had a chicken patty, mashed potatoes, black-eyed peas, macaroni and cheese, carrots, and cornbread, with a  choice of water, tea, or punch to drink.

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Final Fiesta for Mexican Murderer

Despite a flurry of last-minute opposition, the state of Texas executed convicted killer Ruben Cardenas tonight for the rape and murder of his 15-year-old cousin in 1997. Cardenas was a Mexican citizen who had been on death row in the USA for 20 years. His lawyers and the Mexican government claimed that Cardenas’ case was fraught with legal improprieties, and that his execution was an illegal act.

Texas no longer allows special last meal requests, meaning executed inmates are given the same food as other prisoners in their unit prior to execution. Ironically, however, the last meal for Cardenas was a South of the Border feast that included beef soft tacos, Spanish rice, refried beans, Mexican corn, salsa, flour tortillas, and spiced beef rolls, with a choice of water, tea, or punch to drink.

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Killer Has Short Ribs After Long Time on Death Row

Convicted double murderer Patrick Hannon was executed by the state of Florida tonight for his part in the brutal slayings of two men in 1991. Together with two other men, Hannon shot one man to death and slit the throat of another during a convoluted argument that centered around the supposed vandalization of an ex-girlfriend’s bedroom.

For his last meal, Hannon had beef short ribs, friend potatoes, bacon, a roll, vanilla ice cream, and sweet tea.

Friday, October 20, 2017

McNabb Loses Prison Popularity Contest

Some condemned prisoners show remorse before their execution. They talk about God, and love, and family, and they apologize for their crimes.

Then you have Torrey Twane McNabb.

McNabb, who was executed by the state of Alabama last night for killing a police officer in 1997, chose to take the road less traveled.

"To the state of Alabama, I hate you motherfuckers," McNabb said in his final statement. "I hate you, I hate you."

McNabb then raised both middle fingers as the lethal injection drugs began to flow.

McNabb did not order a last meal before his execution, which is ironic; many inmates request chicken for their last meal, but this time it was the inmate giving everyone else the bird.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Pruett Partakes of Patty and Potatoes

A peanut butter sandwich put Robert Pruett in quite a jam.

The Texas death row inmate was executed tonight for killing a prison guard in 1999 while serving a 99-year sentence for another murder. Pruett supposedly stabbed the guard in a fit of rage after the guard forbade Pruett from taking a sandwich into the recreation yard, which would have violated prison rules.

Pruett probably never wanted to see peanut butter again after his conviction. For his last meal, Pruett was served a chicken patty, mashed potatoes, country gravy, black-eyed peas, corn, sliced bread, hamburger chili, and crackers, with a choice of water, tea, or punch to drink. Because Texas no longer allows special meal requests, Pruett was served the same food as others in his unit.

Friday, October 6, 2017

Death Takes a Holiday

You know how sleepy you get after a big turkey dinner on Thanksgiving? Well, just imagine if you followed that up with a lethal injection!

Convicted killer Michael Lambrix took just such a permanent snoozefest courtesy of the state of Florida last night. Lambrix earned his death sentence for killing two people during a night of heavy drinking in 1983. One victim was choked while another was beaten with a tire iron, with all of the mayhem occurring during the course of a nice spaghetti dinner.

For his last meal, Lambrix chose a different type of dinner: a traditional Thanksgiving meal. He was given a turkey breast and drumstick, giblet gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes and brown sugar, mixed vegetables with butter, a soft dinner roll with honey and butter, pumpkin pie with whipped cream, chocolate milk and vanilla caramel gelato ice cream.

In an attempt to experience every holiday one last time before he died, Lambrix also asked for permission to paint Easter eggs, go trick or treating on his cell block, and hang a stocking at the end of the execution table. He also asked that the liquid drugs used for his lethal injection be dyed green in honor of St. Patrick's Day. These requests were denied.