Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Unjust Desserts For Lisa Coleman

Lisa Coleman was executed by the state of Texas tonight for her part in the horrific death of a 9-year-old boy. Together with her roommate, the boy's mother, Coleman physically abused and starved the boy to death. How dreadfully ironic, then, that Coleman herself was served a tasty-sounding last meal before her execution.

Because Texas no longer allows special last meal requests, Coleman was given the same food as others in her unit. For her last meal, Lisa Coleman was served a fried pork chop, macaroni and cheese, carrots, green beans, navy beans, sliced bread, and pineapple orange cake, with a choice of tea, punch, or water to drink.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Willie Trottie Has Expired...But What About His Drugs?

Willie Trottie was executed by the state of Texas tonight, although the execution nearly encountered a last-minute snag when Trottie's lawyers complained that the lethal injection drugs used in the procedure might have expired. The appeal was overturned, however, when Texas officials showed that the drugs had an expiration date of September 30, meaning they were still "safe" enough to kill a man with.

Because Texas no longer allows special last meals, Trottie was served the same food as others in his unit. For his last meal, Willie Trottie had baked chicken, green beans, mashed potatoes, bread, and a choice of tea, punch, or water to drink.

A Hard Day's Night for Ringo

Shortly after midnight, the state of Missouri executed Earl Ringo Jr. for a double murder committed during a 1998 restaurant robbery. 

We couldn't help wondering if Ringo's last meal might include an Apple, or some fancy dessert with a name like Strawberry Shortcake Forever, but such was not the case. Ringo actually didn't order a last meal at all, and was served the prison's "daily special" of Salisbury steak, macaroni and cheese, salad, vegetables, and cake.

Ringo's last words were also a topic of curiosity. Perhaps the condemned man would utter something clever like "I Feel Fine," or "Hello Goodbye," or simply "Help!" Would he talk about his upcoming journey on "The Long and Winding Road," or mention how he got by with a little help from his friends during his years in prison? Beatlemanicas were once again crushed, however, when Ringo simply offered up a passage from the Quran instead.

As Ringo's story draws to a close, one other case of irony cannot be ignored; he committed his double murder at a Ruby Tuesday restaurant---named, of course, after a song by the Rolling Stones.

 

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Meaty Meal for Michael Worthington

Early this morning the state of Missouri executed Michael Shane Worthington, who was convicted of a 1995 rape and murder. Prior to his pentobarbital cocktail, Worthington chowed down on a last meal that could have actually served as two meals; a cheeseburger, french fries, a rib-eye steak, and onion rings. We're surprised Worthington didn't add some eggs and toast in there to make his last meal a perfect breakfast/lunch/dinner trifecta. 

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Middleton's Meal a Mystery No More

John Middleton, executed yesterday by the state of Missouri, must have gone to the gurney with one heck of a rumbling tummy. That's because his last meal was actually served 27 hours prior to his execution after a series of stays, appeals, and legal hurdles had to be navigated.

Middleton, a former meth dealer, was convicted of killing three people who snitched about his illegal activities to law enforcement. But Middleton never accepted the blame for the crimes, and went to his death still claiming to be innocent.

For his last meal, Middleton requested a cheeseburger, a pork steak, french fries, apple pie, and a chocolate milk shake. This was served at 4pm on July 15, with Middleton's execution originally scheduled for midnight that same day. That execution was stayed, however, and Middleton was actually executed at 7pm on July 16. But since he refused all standard-issue prison meals during that time, his "last meal" actually was his last meal.

A big thank you to the media relations folks at Missouri's DOC for the information.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Davis Dines, Dies, But Doesn't Deny

Eddie Wayne Davis--who even among death row inmates falls into the "worst of the worst" category for his unspeakable crime--was executed tonight by the state of Florida. The convicted child killer initially denied any involvement in his crime, but later confessed fully.

Unlike many recent death row inmates, Davis actually took the time to order and eat a special last meal. He dined on chopped steak with onion gravy, home fries, Brussels sprouts, corn, cherry ice cream, and Dr. Pepper.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

No Dinner, Just Cocktails, for John Henry

Loss of appetite has suddenly become an epidemic among America's death row denizens; for the second time today, an inmate refused to order a special last meal before his execution. This time the non-peckish felon was John Ruthell Henry, executed by the state of Florida for killing two of his wives and also a child. 

Henry obviously didn't know what he was missing; as our readers know, Florida serves up one of the tastiest--and most generous--last meals in the whole country. Steak, lobster, and other succulent dishes can all be ordered with impunity. But instead of a meal, Henry just had a cocktail; midazolam, vecuronium bromide, and potassium chloride, to be exact.