Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Jesse Hernandez Gets a Taste of Justice---and Likes it!

Something strange is happening in Texas lately. When killer Keith Thurmond was executed there a few weeks ago, his final words before he died were, "I can taste it."

Tonight, child murderer Jesse Hernandez made a similar remark. As the lethal injection drugs began to flow through his system, Hernandez said, "I can feel it, taste it. It's not bad."

There have been countless stories in the news lately about a shortage of lethal injection drugs, or certain drugs being expired, or replacement drugs not being fully tested before they're used in an execution. To make the process more "customer-friendly," has Texas started flavoring its lethal injection drugs? Just like at the dentist's office, will inmates soon be able to choose between cherry, grape, or bubble gum flavored capital punishment? Will they be promised a prize from the "treasure box" if they behave during their procedure?

There's one drawback, though. Nobody likes going to the dentist. And nobody likes being executed. Put the two together and you'll have plenty of "patients" who throw a fit about going to their "appointment."

Since last year, Texas inmates no longer get to choose a special last meal. Hernandez was served chicken fried steak along with the rest of the prisoners.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Death Row's Oddest Inmates Now On Sale!

If you loved Last Suppers but now you're craving another dose of cell block silliness, check out Death Row's Oddest Inmates!

Robert Vickers killed his prison cellmate because the other man drank his Kool-Aid. Varnall Weeks believed that after his execution he would be reincarnated as a giant turtle who would rule the universe. Hit man and former Elvis impersonator James Paster tried to escape from his cell by slathering himself with hair tonic and squeezing through a tiny air vent.

Death Row’s Oddest Inmates features 13 of the most bizarre and unique killers the prison system has ever seen. Meet a man who wore a homemade toga during his trial and asked for the bodies of his victims to be brought to the courtroom so God could resurrect them. Learn how triple murderer “Smelly Kelly” earned his dubious nickname, and read about the sadistic serial killer who sued the state of California for cruel and unusual punishment because one of the cookies on his prison lunch tray was broken. 

Also included are special sections on wacky murder weapons, massive last meals, and the looniest last words ever uttered. Despite the gloomy surroundings, there’s no shortage of outlandish behavior on death row.

Available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, and other fine booksellers!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Mississippi Shrimpfest Continues With William Mitchell

Environmentalists were afraid the BP oil spill would decimate the Gulf Coast’s shrimp population, but it looks like another force of nature might wipe out those tasty little creatures; Mississippi’s death row inmates!

For the third time in the last six weeks, one of the state’s condemned convicts gobbled down a bunch of shrimp as part of his last meal. Prior to his execution today, William Mitchell dined on fried shrimp, fried oysters, two fried chicken breasts, a cup of ranch dressing, a strawberry milkshake, and a Coke.

The ranch dressing is a bit of a mystery. Did Mitchell dip his seafood in it? Pour it over his chicken as a sauce? Use it to cleanse his palate between courses? Those familiar with the subtle nuances of Mississippi cuisine are free to submit their guesses!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Puckett Has Pancakes and Shrimp

Remember Bubba Gump’s famous speech from the movie Forrest Gump? The shrimp-loving character rattles off all the different ways shrimp can be prepared, including “pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad…” and the list went on and on.

But if Bubba had spent any time on Mississippi’s death row, he could’ve added a few more unusual recipes to that list. Readers might remember that Edwin Hart Turner, executed in Mississippi last month, reportedly ate a meal of cinnamon rolls and shrimp after he committed the double murder that earned him his death sentence.

Tonight, Mississippi’s Larry Matthew Puckett continued that tradition by requesting macadamia nut pancakes and shrimp for his last meal. The full order was macadamia nut pancakes with butter and maple syrup, shrimp and grits, an ice cream cake from Dairy Queen, a bag of Werther’s Originals caramel candy, and an A&W root beer.

Puckett was convicted of bludgeoning his ex-boss’s wife to death with an axe handle. The victim’s mother caught Puckett inside the victim’s home with the murder weapon in his hand, but Puckett blamed someone else for the crime. He said he only broke into the home to rob it and that the victim’s husband coincidentally picked that exact same time to murder his wife.

Sounds shrimpy—er, I mean fishy—to me.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Stuffed Crust for Stemple

Tonight the state of Oklahoma executed Timothy Shaun Stemple, who was convicted of killing his wife in order to collect an insurance policy worth nearly one million dollars. Stemple and his accomplice beat Stemple's wife with a baseball bat and ran over her with a pickup truck, then tried to make it look like she had been killed by a hit-and-run driver.

Last meals in Oklahoma must be ordered from local restaurants and can cost no more than $15. Stemple chose a large stuffed crust pizza with half pepperoni, half Canadian bacon, and extra cheese. He washed it down with a two-liter bottle of orange soda.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Robert Charles Towery: Steak and Potato, Potato, Potato

Robert Charles Towery, known as “Chewie” to his friends, was executed in Arizona today by lethal injection—which is ironic, since Towery attempted a “lethal injection” of his own when he committed the murder that landed him on death row.

Towery and an accomplice broke into the home of a 68-year-old man to rob him. Towery then used a syringe to inject his victim with battery acid before strangling the man to death.

Moments before his execution, Towery apologized for his crime and said his life had been nothing but “mistake after mistake after mistake.”

For his last meal, Towery chose a porterhouse steak with sautéed mushrooms, clam chowder, a baked potato with butter and sour cream, asparagus, apple pie with vanilla ice cream, Pepsi, and milk.

I can’t help imagining a conversation where the prison guard asks “How’s that steak, Chewie?” and Towery replies, “No, it’s actually quite tender.” 

UPDATE: We've just learned that Towery's very last words before he died were, "I love my family. Potato, potato, potato."

I can't even begin to imagine what that means. Even my "English to Psychopath" phrase book can't translate it for me. 

UPDATE #2: The mystery is solved! Apparently "potato, potato, potato" is the sound a Harley-Davidson motorcycle makes when the engine is idling. Towery was supposedly letting his nephew, a fellow motorcycle rider, know that everything was okay--or as okay as things can be just moments before an execution, anyway.

A Taste of Justice for Keith Thurmond

Keith Thurmond was always a bit angry and impulsive. One ex-girlfriend claimed that Thurmond stalked her, sexually assaulted her, and even cut the head off of one of her stuffed animals. He was also known to abuse his wife after all-night drinking bouts.

So when police came to Thurmond's house to transfer custody of his son to Thurmond's estranged wife, it's no surprise that Thurmond went bonkers. He put on a black karate outfit, grabbed a sword and a gun, then stomped down to the trailer where his wife and her new boyfriend lived. Thurmond shot his wife seven times then shot her new boyfriend and also beat him with the gun.

Plenty of witnesses saw the two murders, and Thurmond was convicted and given the death penalty. Before his execution, Thurmond soundly denied killing his wife but said nothing about her boyfriend. His last words before dying were "You can taste it." A reference to the lethal injection drugs, perhaps, or did Thurmond suddenly find his mouth filled with the bittersweet flavor of justice?

In 2011, Texas stopped allowing death row inmates to choose a special last meal prior to their executions. Thurmond was served the "meal of the day," which was chicken spaghetti.