Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Hook-ed on Fast Food

Convicted killer Robert Van Hook was executed by the state of Ohio this morning. Van Hook earned his death sentence for stabbing and strangling a man he picked up in a gay bar and intended to rob. Van Hook's lawyers claimed "gay panic defense" in court, but prosecutors countered by calling that claim "bullcrap."

For his last meal, Van Hook had a double cheeseburger, fries, strawberry cheesecake with whipped cream, a vanilla milkshake, and grapefruit juice.

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Live Fast, Die Young

Christopher Young was executed by the state of Texas tonight. Young earned his death sentence for killing a convenience store owner during an attempted robbery in 2004, but he claimed he only committed the murder because he'd drunk nearly two dozen beers and been snorting cocaine at the time--and on a Sunday morning, no less.

Ah, to be Young and foolish.

Before he died, Young uttered the last words, "I can taste it in my throat." Was he talking about justice, the execution drugs, or the remnants of his last meal, which was BBQ chopped brisket, mashed potatoes with country gravy, vegetarian beans, chilled pasta salad, corn, pinto beans, and sliced bread, with a choice of tea, punch, or water to drink?

 

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Here's one Bible you don't want at your bedside

Convicted killer Danny Bible was executed by the state of Texas today for the rape and murder of a young woman who was stabbed 11 times with an ice pick. Bible also confessed to several other rapes and murders, including the killing of an infant, during his violent and turbulent life. In other words, this Bible was definitely Old Testament.

As Bible's execution date neared, we found ourselves wondering things like, "Will this guy read himself during his final hours?" and  "Is he allowed to put his hand on himself when he takes an oath in court?" But, being us, we mostly wondered what he would eat for his last meal. Would it be something with a religious connotation? Some unleavened bread, maybe? How about the Father, the Son, and some Holy Toast?

But since Bible was being executed in Texas, where prisoners aren't allowed to choose their last meal, he was given the same food as everyone else in his unit. For his last meal, Danny Bible had a chicken patty, sweet potatoes, cornbread, macaroni and cheese, pinto beans, biscuits, country gravy, a sugar cookie bar, and a choice of water, tea, or punch to drink.    

Thursday, May 17, 2018

The Burning Question about Juan Castillo

Convicted killer Juan Castillo was executed by the state of Texas last night for the robbery and murder of an aspiring rapper in 2003.

When asked if he had any final words, Castillo said, "To everyone that has been there for me, you know who you are. See y'all on the other side." Then, according to one witness, Castillo added, "Shit does burn."

We can't help wondering about those additional three words. Was Castillo complaining about pain from the execution drugs? Making a general statement about life? Discussing the flammable qualities of manure? Or was this one of those "Yanny or Laurel" incidents, and did Castillo really say "Ship that fern" or "Shoot those birds" or "Hit those bums?"

What IS certain, however, is Castillo's last meal. Since Texas no longer allows special meal requests, he was served the same food as others in his unit. For his last meal, Juan Castillo had a chicken patty, mashed potatoes, country gravy, carrots, pinto beans, green beans, cornbread, and a choice of water, tea, or punch to drink.

Saturday, May 5, 2018

This guy loves meat, no ifs ands or Butts

Robert Earl Butts Jr. was executed by the state of Georgia last night for the 1996 murder of an off-duty correctional officer. 

For his last meal, Butts ordered a mountain of meaty morsels; a hamburger with bacon and two kinds of cheese, a rib-eye steak, and chicken tenders, along with seasoned French fries, cheesecake, and strawberry lemonade to drink.

When asked for a final statement, Butts replied, "I've been drinking caffeine all day." It was an odd choice of words, and we wonder if Butts was hoping to negate the effects of the lethal injection drugs which would put him to sleep permanently. Once the procedure began, Butts added to his statement by muttering, "It burns, man."

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Devilish Davila Dines then Dies

Gang member and convicted killer Erick Davila was executed tonight for two murders that took place in 2008. While trying to attack a rival gang member, Davila opened fire with a semi-automatic rifle at a child’s birthday party, killing a woman and a 5-year-old girl. In his defense, Davila claimed those deaths were accidental and that he was only trying to kill “the guys on the porch” and “the fat dude.”

In his final statement, Davila said, “I would like to say nephew, it burns, huh. You know, I might have lost the fight, but I’m still a soldier. I still love you all. To my supporters and family, y’all hold it down. Ten Toes down right. That’s all.”

Since Texas no longer allows special last meal requests, Davila was served the same food as others in his unit. For his last meal, Davila had Salisbury steak, steamed rice, brown gravy, vegetable blend, pinto beans, cornbread, butterscotch brownies, and a choice of tea, punch, or water to drink.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Too Moody to Eat? Not hardly

Convicted killer Walter Leroy Moody was executed by the state of Alabama tonight. Moody earned his death sentence for the pipe bomb killing of a federal judge in 1989.

The 83-year-old Moody didn't accept his final breakfast, and he also didn't ask for a special last meal. He did, however, enjoy some "snacks" before his execution, according to an Alabama official. Those snacks consisted of two Philly cheese steak sandwiches, one bag of chips, two Dr. Peppers, a bag of M&Ms, and a Hershey bar with almonds.

So, "last snack" or "last meal," you decide.

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Suitcase Killer Takes One Last Trip

We all have our emotional baggage to deal with, but Rosendo Rodriguez had more than most people.

Rodriguez, known as the “Suitcase Killer,’ was executed tonight by the state of Texas. Rodriguez earned his death sentence for killing and sexually assaulting a pregnant prostitute in 2005 then disposing of her body by stuffing it inside a suitcase and then tossing the suitcase in a Dumpster. After his arrest for that crime, he confessed to killing another woman and disposing of her body the same way.

Because Texas no longer allows special last meal requests, Rodriguez had the same food as others in his unit. For his last meal, Rosendo Rodriguez had pepper steak, steamed rice, brown gravy, vegetable blend, black-eyed peas, cornbread, chilled pasta salad, and a choice of water, tea, or punch to drink.

Friday, March 16, 2018

Stocking Strangler Hoses the Media

Before Carlton Gary, AKA the Stocking Strangler, was executed by the state of Georgia late last night, he was asked if he wanted to make a final statement. Gary said no.

Gary also said no to the offer of a final prayer. And he declined to eat any of his last meal. Oh, and he also declined to order a special last meal in the first place, so he was served the same "institutional tray" as others in his unit: a hamburger, a hot dog, white beans, coleslaw, and a grape beverage.

For the man who was convicted of raping and strangling three elderly women with their own stockings, his last night was a parade of no's, because he also held steadfastly to his claim of innocence.

No confession. No remorse. No last meal. No last words. No kidding. 

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Eggers is Toast

We have to admit it; when someone with a name like Michael Eggers is executed, we secretly pray that he'll order breakfast for his last meal. Maybe a nice omelette, or a plate of scrambled or poached or fried...well, you get it. Unfortunately, however, Eggers's last meal wasn't all it was cracked up to be. The convicted killer who earned his death sentence in Alabama for killing a 67-year-old former employer ordered no last meal at all, breakfast-themed or not. Instead, he just had what everyone else on his cell block was having for dinner tonight.

For his last meal, Eggers had chicken creole, dirty rice, turnip greens, cornbread, cream corn, cake, and a grape drink. And while this Cajun feast does sound pretty tasty, it leaves few opportunities for puns.

Eggers also declined to say any last words before his execution. When the female warden asked if he wished to make a final statement, Eggers simply said, "No, ma'am." 

Or is it possible that he really said, "No ham?"

One can only hope.   

Thursday, February 22, 2018

Meats and Sweets for Eric Branch

Convicted killer Eric Branch was executed by the state of Florida tonight. Branch earned his death sentence for the 1993 rape and murder of a college student whose car he wanted to steal.

For his last meal, Branch doubled up on meats and sweets by ordering a pork chop, a T-bone steak, French fries, two pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, and ginger ale.

 

Friday, February 2, 2018

Battaglia: Beastly or Just Plain Batty?


John Battaglia was executed by the state of Texas tonight for killing his two young daughters in 2001.

Battaglia, who was divorced from his wife and had been granted weekly visits with his girls, was watching his 6-and-9-year-old daughters while his estranged wife was in her own home. Battaglia, who had argued and fought repeatedly with his ex-wife, called the woman on speaker phone then shot and killed the two girls while their mother listened. Battaglia then announced, “Merry fucking Christmas,” despite the fact that the date was May 2. Afterward, Battaglia drove to a tattoo parlor and got two rose tattoos on his left arm, one for each of his daughters.

Battaglia was found guilty and sentenced to death, but his lawyers claim the man committed his crime because he’s mentally impaired. According to court records, Battaglia suffers from delusions that cause him to think he is “being conspired against, cheated, spied on, followed, poisoned or drugged, maliciously maligned, harassed, or obstructed in the pursuit of long-term goals.”

Or maybe he’s just a cold-blooded psycho.

Because Texas no longer allows special last meal requests, Battaglia was served the same food as others in his unit. For his last meal, Battaglia had a chicken patty, mashed potatoes with country gravy, green beans, corn, cornbread, and a choice of tea, punch, or water to drink. 

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Pasta La Vista to William Rayford


William Rayford was executed by the state of Texas tonight for murdering his ex-girlfriend in 1999. At the time of the killing, Rayford was on parole after killing his wife in 1986. The bottom line? Don’t date William Rayford.

Since Texas no longer allows special meal requests, Rayford was served the same food as others in his unit. For his last meal, William Rayford had spaghetti with beef sauce, green beans, black beans, corn, and garlic bread, with a choice of water, tea, or punch to drink.

Considering his last meal, maybe it’s not appropriate to say that William Rayford died tonight; instead, he just pasta way.

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Nobody's Choked Up Over Tourniquet Killer's Death


Anthony Shore, the serial killer known as the “Tourniquet Killer” because of the way he strangled his victims, was executed by the state of Texas tonight. Shore confessed to murdering five females between the ages of 9 and 21, all of whom were sexually assaulted and tortured before they were killed.

Shore has been on death row since 2004 and has sought to avoid the death penalty in various ways, including one defense that claimed Shore injured his head during a 1981 car crash and his personality was affected as a result—but even the killer’s family didn’t buy that one. “I think it’s a load of crap,” Shore’s youngest daughter stated, and Shore’s sister seemed to be looking forward to her brother’s execution because “then when people ask about him, we can just say he’s dead.”

Because Texas no longer allows special last meal requests, Shore was given the same food as others in his prison unit. For his last meal, Anthony Shore had a chicken patty, mashed potatoes, black-eyed peas, macaroni and cheese, carrots, and cornbread, with a  choice of water, tea, or punch to drink.