Game Over for James Freeman

James Freeman was executed by the state of Texas tonight for murdering a game warden on the victim’s birthday. On the night of the killing, Freeman drank “about nine beers” while watching football, then decided to drive around shooting at snakes and birds. After shooting a possum, Freeman panicked and drove away when approached by a game warden. This led to a high-speed chase that ended when Freeman opened fire on law enforcement with first a pistol, then an AK-47. The game warden was shot and killed in the exchange of gunfire.

Because Texas no longer allows special last meal requests, Freeman was served the same food as others in his unit. For his last meal, James Freeman had pepper steak with brown gravy, steamed rice, mixed greens, a vegetable blend, black eyed peas, sliced bread, chocolate cake with peanut butter icing, and a choice of water, tea, or punch to drink.                                   

Brooks is Done

Christopher Brooks was executed by the state of Alabama tonight after earning a death sentence for the 1992 rape and murder of a young woman. Brooks beat his victim to death with an 8-pound dumbbell, then stole the woman's car keys and credit card. Police were able to track Brooks down days later when he used the stolen credit card to buy gas and beer, proving that the murder weapon wasn't the only dumbbell involved in the crime.

For his last meal, Christopher Brooks asked for nothing but two peanut butter cups and a Dr. Pepper.

For Masterson, Execution is a Drag

After serving nearly 15 years on death row, convicted killer Richard Masterson was executed by the state of Texas tonight. Masterson earned his death sentence for the murder of a female impersonator who went by the name Brandi Houston, a crime Masterson’s lawyers claimed was an “accident” following an evening of rough sex. The two met at a bar where they hit it off instantly, but the man in a dress quickly became a man in distress when Masterson strangled Houston then stole his car.

With apologies to the brave crewmen of the Apollo 13, this time it was Houston who had a problem.

Because Texas no longer allows special last meal requests, Masterson was served the same food as others in his unit today. For his last meal, Richard Masterson had baked chicken, mashed potatoes with country gravy, carrots, black-eyed peas, and sliced bread, with a choice of water, tea, or punch to drink.  

Needles Gets the Needle

Oscar Ray Bolin, the serial killer nicknamed “Needles,” was executed tonight by the state of Florida for the slaying of a young woman in 1986. Bolin was convicted of killing two other women as well. For his last meal, Oscar Ray Bolin ate a ribeye steak (medium rare), a baked potato with butter and sour cream, a salad with iceberg lettuce, cucumber, and tomato, baked garlic bread, lemon meringue pie, and Coca Cola.