Corey Johnson Denounces Doughnut Dismissal

Convicted killer Corey Johnson was executed by the US federal government last night. Johnson, a former drug trafficker, murdered seven people during his years as a violent felon.

During the recent spate of federal executions, details about last meals have been scarce. In fact, Johnson’s meal might have remained a mystery as well if he hadn’t taken the time to complain about it in his final statement to the press. After apologizing to his family and lamenting his crimes, Johnson turned his attention to his last meal.

“The pizza and strawberry shake were wonderful,” Johnson wrote, “but I didn’t get the jelly-filled donuts [I] ordered. What’s with that? This should be fixed.”

Johnson apparently got his just desserts figuratively, but not literally.