Tuesday, September 13, 2011

On the Wait List: Steven Woods

Those busy busboys in Texas are now prepping a table for Steven Woods, slated to be executed tonight.

Woods--who describes himself as a punk rocker, anarchist, Christian, vegetarian, and someone who really likes dragons--has spent most of his time on Death Row complaining about the living conditions in his new home.  According to Woods, the Death Row cells are too small.  The food isn't served warm enough.  The guards call the inmates bad names, which hurts their feelings.  Oh, and there's no arts and crafts program, either.

It's a travesty; all you do is shoot two people to death and cut their throats, and for that you're forced to eat tepid food and you lose your right to make macaroni necklaces and paper bag hand puppets.

You know, a lot of the complaints from Woods--griping about the food, the name-calling, the arts and crafts program--sound like something you would hear from a grumpy preschooler.  And speaking of preschool, maybe Woods was absent the day his teacher explained that the terms "Death Row" and "Luxury Resort" are not synonymous.

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