Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Bearded Brute Binges on Breakfast

Convicted killer Donald Moeller—one of the “worst of the worst” in the death row universe—was executed tonight in South Dakota, 22 years after he committed his terrible crime. Moeller obviously believed that breakfast was the most important meal of the day, because he ordered it for his last meal ever. Moeller asked for scrambled eggs, link sausages, tater tots, and coffee.

Moeller, who tried to escape from jail at various times disguised as Rip Van Winkle, an Amish farmer, and a member of the rock band ZZ Top, gave one last-ditch effort on the day of his execution. Just prior to the lethal injection, Moeller put on a red suit, patted his round belly, and announced, “Well, I better head to the North Pole now. Christmas is only two months away and those toys aren’t going to make themselves!”

The prison staff wasn’t fooled, however, and justice was ultimately served.

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